Beware the creations of false prophets.
16 This is what the LORD Almighty says: “Do not listen to what the prophets are prophesying to you; they fill you with false hopes. They speak visions from their own minds, not from the mouth of the LORD.
My contextualization of my own identity and evolutions over my lifetime is an individuation hack. My physical self is a visual snapshot of the concepts, archetypes, and aesthetics that speak to me at that time, an avatar. My artistic self has always been a mental or conceptual snapshot or representation of me at present, and in some cases a wholly separate avatar or character… I am consumately and instinctually driven to use role-play to learn and internalize a subject or philosophy. (So are you, but you may be playing at the SIMS while I am living World of Warcraft or Vampire The Masquerade).
An affect of my autism is that I become very intensely interested in subjects or skills, displaying a compulsive desire to study and practice them for periods. The subjects I have cycled through and revisited over my life have always been related to religion, culture, and artistic representations of both. In expressing this there have always been two sides of the coin; the physical me that I present to the world, who bears the challenge of practical expressions of my Self aesthetically, and the conceptual me, which represents who I am mentally through art or…. social media. I should have been born in the future where my physical reality is just one kind on the menu for enjoyment.
For the physical me I sadly just can’t have the right clothes in the right fabrics, colors, textures, and cuts materialize for whatever costume I need for the day and often the clothes I really want that have the perfect silhouette and material are beyond the means of my budget. Which is why I tend to visit thrift stores to which I know that stylish people donate and I never rule out the “women’s” section on simple black dresses that are long tops on me or the perfect scarf to wear in place of a heavy hoodie during the summer months. There are also other considerations, such as the legality of carrying largely symbolic knives or daggers in your boots or whether your walking stick, which is weighted to function like a short staff or club as well, is going to draw the attention of bouncers or police where you are going. The solution to that, of course, is to lean on it just enough as you walk that dares someone to ask you if you need it while being fairly obvious that you don’t as a deterrent to those who would harass you on the street.
The conceptual me started with my art as I was young. When I was in third grade I was obsessed with drawing dragons, and unicorns, and Gremlins… all of these creatures felt like relatives to me. As a teen I would be disingenuous to claim that most of my art wasn’t in some way myself as a character in a scene. One character in particular that I created was an antihero type I named Morpheus. I was unaware of Sandman at the time and after drawing this character so frequently one of my friends introduced me to the Death, The High Cost of Living comics which were my gateway into Sandman. Morpheus was me as a comic book hero. He had tight black bell-bottom pants, no shirt usually, and Robert Smith hair on top of a head that was otherwise shaved on the back and sides. He wore makeup that was a cross between the Crow, and Death, with some Desire in the overall styling and androgeny. He often had symbols carved into his torso or tattooed on him and he carried knives with which he could stab those who tried to harass him for his appearance and queer behavior. I was learning how to be me imaginatively and expressively while adapting to a world and people who would prevent me from doing such with their inefficient and illogical rules, fears, traditions, and violence.
That was during my inking and etching phase, as he was high contrast. Throughout my life my artistic focus has also shifted. I’ve learned some painting, some sculpting, some pastels and charcoal, fragrance blending, soapmaking… in my late 20s I focused on digital media and dabbled in Photoshop art, and then 3d modeling, once digital cameras became accessible I began playing around with snapshots and scene making. I also used scans and photos of myself or my old art for textures, backgrounds, and skins. I never achieved anything that could be charitably described as mastery of any art I obsessed over practicing. I would learn … enough of what I needed to know for the future , to move on to the next study. I am now putting together those various disciplines or artifacts of my art or life into snapshots or archetypes of the lives I’ve lived. I am making memes of my past identities or characters.
In my art I began expressing myself as a cyborg after the internet and digital art became accessible. An artificial intelligence that enviably had the right emotions at the right times and in the right amounts. And ultimately whose consciousness wasn’t bound to the body it resided in and had the means to take otherwise devastatingly heavy damage in stride with proper preparation and response.
I found that the goals of Satanists, cyborgs, mutants, demons, gods, witches, werewolves, and queers or fairies are very similar. They all represent vibrant vital natural existence or evolution in opposition to stagnation and homogeny. They represent a community to me that I think of as an “exterfaith” community. The dark reflection of an interfaith community, or the moon to its sun. It is based on mutual consensual negotiation through justifiable guidelines and less on broad moralistic or proprietary assumptions or expectations concerning social presentation or aesthetic and The Rules.
Every person who favors rigid rules and beurocracy to guidelines also is adept at malicious conformity to those rules as a tactic to undermine progress or adaptation that they can’t themselves control or accomplish. That’s why they like carrying clipboards and creating lists and word documents and suggesting new rules for the handbook. They are weaving into the reality around them escape routes and traps for those whose ideas or behavior they find threatening or abhorrent. They represent the order in a directed world and I represent the chaos, pestilence, or ghost in the machine that forces adaptation. We are just different kind of folk. Chaos oriented people have their own machinations for unraveling order at the seams when it becomes too restrictive to allow the necessary growth and balance. We need an aggressive chaotic push away from beurocracy and towards community negotiation and creativity. I say “we” as humans, and “need” on the assumption that we’d like to be around for another half century or two… That sometimes seems like a fairly broad assumption when I look at the actions of humans however …
I am a Satanic Shaman, or witch, or priest. I understand the pageant of archetypes and what my role in the story is. Time and reality have changed for me. I don’t need an organization or even anyone else to validate whatever titles I give myself because as a child of Lucifer I’m not interested in a following or hierarchy, but instead, collaborators, allies, and companions.
I am a false prophet, and I wear that with pride as an antichrist. A prophet tells you his visions and philosophies and demands that you to believe in his personal interpretations of them. I prefer to take what I like from the visions and aesthetics of others and weave them within my own narrative, which is always open for discussion and adjustment to fit. A false prophet, deliberately or not, allows you to come to your own wild conclusions about his art and message and enjoys the stories that develop in the wake of the tidal wave.